The Estrangement
I've mentioned it at times throughout my blog, and it's something that commonly happens when one comes into their truths & authentic self through healing. It's the fact that suddenly, people around you don't seem to align with you any longer. Whether you're seeing the truths in unhealthy relationships, watching people grow resentful towards you (your progress), or simply falling out with people because they don't like the "new you" - changes to relationships tend to happen. I want to talk about this topic because I know a lot of people have struggled with this, and maybe you can find some solace here...
Let's start with the people that you may have had an unhealthy relationship with. It's true that these people can bounce back if they get the help they need and change as a person, but otherwise... the ball ends up in your court. We tend to hold on because we feel obligated and see the positive potential within that person, but may need to take a step back and assess if that's something that we can actually help do. Anyone that experienced childhood trauma would've (possibly) had a hard time seeing what was unhealthy in the relationship and need their renewed perspective to see that. This is why it seems so sudden and like a change of heart, but our truth is that it's painful to realize this because deep down, we know we need to let go.
Whether it's letting go of certain expectations or the person itself, it's something that eventually happens. The only alternative, where it's safe, is to create better boundaries. When it comes to people that just sap your energy (and seem to only come to you when they need you), you need to find a healthy balance that works for YOU. It's true that the big Ns would have a defensive and retaliative response to this decision, which should undoubtedly indicate how you should further approach the relationship. Regardless of what you decide to do - now more than ever - you need to make sure you don't feel overextended in any way, as this is how we grow resentful ourselves. Remember that during a time like this, your wellbeing needs to be your number 1 priority.
This leads to uncomfortable situations with family, friends and peers alike as you begin to speak your truths. I dealt with people thinking I went crazy by turning to intuitive healing to change my life... and in time, they drifted away. For the ones that were fine with the change, but also didn't believe in it - it suddenly became harder to converse with them because I wanted a more meaningful conversation that they couldn't offer. It hurt, but at the same time - I slowly began to realize that they're just no longer aligned with me. At this time, I began longing for friends that understood what life's like as an Intuitive, and I longed for connections to others that had similar trauma to me (because again, it's hard to understand and talk about it otherwise). Just know that if you're feeling lacking in the friend & supportive department, you only have to start networking to find your new circle.
In all honesty, I used to feel terrible that this was happening to me. I still love and cherish the people from the relationships I had that were changed, but at the same time... it began to hurt me to try and make it work with them. Since like-minded folk tend to find each other in social circles; I started to see the trauma my friends had that they were ignoring. I also started to literally feel it in my bones anytime they made a statement or comment that was clearly a false belief or negative self-talk. And even though all that insight gave me an "in" to gently bring it up with them, they were still blind to the damage done to them, and in some cases, they were still maintaining a relationship with their abuser(s) even though they didn't want to. Based on my experience, I've theorized that keeping that connection open greatly contributes to the blind factor... but unless they want to see that there's another way, it's just painful to support them.
The point of longing for meaningful connection is something that can spill over into your love life too. Some couples realize they no longer see eye-to-eye, or that they're not meant for each other after-all, and a divide begins. I know very few people who didn't go through a divorce after going through this type of transformation - and the reasons vary from changing as a person (ex: "I'm no longer the same person my husband married") to feeling the need to be with someone both romantically & spiritually. Only time will tell in these matters, and one thing you can't do is push a significant other into your understanding & beliefs unless they wish to learn. I don't want this to scare anyone, but if you're feeling this thought or possibility looming, know that you're not the only one.
I recently had a conversation with another Intuitive Healer who had similar childhood trauma to me, and one interesting fact that we discussed is how we believe trauma as a child helps shape a person into an Empath. We recognize this doesn't apply to every single one, but it's an observation we've made on our journeys. Some don't even come into spiritual practices and/or beliefs -- they make great artists, musicians, and public figures by using their empathic abilities in their work, and quite possibly never identify this fact about themselves. Personally, I don't know anyone that's identified themselves as clairsentient (able to feel energies, and thus others' emotions) that DOESN'T have trauma - also further adding to the point that we're led into Intuitive Healing by purpose for more reasons than one can count. And while this may be beside the point I'm talking about here, it goes to show the how & why behind the people we tend to surround ourselves with.
Once we're "healed" and/or empowered, we end up having to create shields & boundaries because we want to show others the light on the other side, but we also have to preserve our mentality & energy by recognizing when and where we can't do anything about it.
It's hard when you go through all these changes because you feel so alone, but know that things get better. Every change and opportunity always sets us up for something new, as it's true with every aspect of life. And even in the most unwelcome or upsetting situations & circumstances, we know that we deal with some temporary pain before moving onto something bigger and better. I know it's not easy, but this is a fact that you may need to remind yourself of when needed. Allow everything to happen, allow it all to go in time, and release control to let these changes not affect you so deeply. Once you're comfortable with that, you just have to hang in there while finding your new tribe/family!
Looking for something more? Consider joining my new online Trauma Support Group! It's a brand new idea so I'm allowing those that are interested to email me (info@ashleytilson.ca) and let me know (1) what days/times work for you (and your timezone), (2) how often you'd want to attend, (3) or if you'd prefer this to be a private 1-on-1 option with me instead. No healing involved, just talk & support!
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