How Self-Development Makes Us Better
Thanks to the thoughts from "imposter syndrome" (where people feel like they're a imposter because even though they're qualified and capable to do something, they think they're not ready or good enough to do it; and it's linked to perfectionism), I never wrote my story out as a timeline in fear of being perceived as someone that hadn't been ready to start my business when I did. This syndrome is more common than you might think - and I've encountered many entrepreneurs [from various industries] that have dealt with this, all regardless of their years of experience, and even after years in operation.
Yet by taking the time to reflect on the timeline starting before the creation of my business, and the years since then, I realized something extremely crucial to my own expertise. It was that my story wouldn't be what it is if it weren't for the fact that I went through another transformation during the first year of my business.
That's progress, baby!
By not only recognizing this and writing out my story, the power of my self-development became blatantly obvious. It's true that my life completely changed in the years prior (because both this blog and my business wouldn't exist otherwise), but without the 2nd transformation that shifted me into Trauma Healing.. I wouldn't be where I am today. And there's no doubt that I will further change through self-development, because there's always something new to learn; even if it's not in my field. There's nothing wrong with this! Welcome to life, welcome to business, welcome to having a conscious lifestyle.
But I want to shift to talk more about how such lessons can help you in your life!
On my biz blog, I wrote an article about how determining/establishing and creating a personal code around your own values is just one component that shapes & strengthens you. I want to talk about that a bit because it was only upon writing that blog post that I realized how important it is! Before I started on my healing journey, I didn't have any values that I worked with. Yes, I valued righteousness, peace, and kindness - which hasn't changed - but it didn't transfer to any kind of "code" that I lived by. Because I hardly knew what I valued in myself and from my life, I was just riding the waves of everyone else's expectations (whether they were placed on me or a vocalized need that I took upon myself to fulfill).
This is just a part of how feeling lost about oneself allows us to be manipulated and brainwashed by others.. and then we break down in anger and upset when it suddenly becomes a burden (we ask why we're doing those things).
It all seems so simple and unrelated, but it makes a huge difference! Whether we're lost or not. And yes - like I mentioned in that original post - we don't need to have a business in order to determine our list of values. In fact, our list of values for our business may not even be the same as the list of values we have for ourselves. It all lends to our identity because we're set in the ways we conduct ourselves. I believe this is self-development because once we say "yes, I cherish and value this quality and won't compromise", we've changed & strengthened ourselves as a person. We have stronger morals because we know what's important to us, and what we won't budge on. And this bleeds over into everything we think and do because when something doesn't align, we either avoid it or change how we tackle it; according to our values.
How amazing is that?!
(all you need is a personal code to live by based on your values)
We don't think about this because it often takes life experience to figure out those key things that we won't compromise on. But this way, you don't need experience to figure it out! You just have to think about what's important to you, who you want to be going forward, and what you want to be known for. The time aside [for thinking about it], it's honestly as simple as that.
But it goes without saying that this list of values can change as life goes on. It doesn't have to, but it's possible that it can. Take having a child as an example - it can change how a person behaves and thinks... which can easily change their values. All of these changes, along with taking the opportunity to ask ourselves how we can be our best self at it, is self-development that makes us better! But it's not to say that we weren't good before (part of the point I'm trying to make here!), it's all about life's journey of continuously learning and developing - which makes us stronger. Even if we're already living our life as our best self, there's still nowhere to continue going but up. That's why I neither recognized or appreciated the work I've done since my initial transformation (because that in itself was monumental)...
I can tell you for a fact that we can be healed - and by that I mean completely at peace with ourselves, be purely & genuinely happy, be full of positive thoughts & actions, and have full clarity of our identity and life path - yet still continue to grow and develop.
Life is notorious for throwing us curveballs and that's unavoidable. And when it happens, we look within ourselves to process the emotions involved, to decide how we're going to move forward, and we learn from the lessons that experience brings.
Of course it makes us stronger, and of course it teaches us a thing or two about ourselves, others, and life in general... but because we're so busy caught up in the moment, we fail to realize that working through that = self-development.
The truth is that we can run & hide or we can face every trial and obstacle on our path. Since running & hiding means we don't learn or develop, and possibly miss out on life-changing opportunities.. it takes that internal push to work through these moments. I know it can be hard but when you focus on getting back to better days and using your values to see you through it, it gets easier. Sometimes, it's easier to look at obstacles as simply challenges - where we're being given a chance to make a change, take a break to deal with things the way we truly want to, and possibly learn something valuable. That's why even the toughest times can end up being the most positive.. but of course, we don't realize it until much later.
Never give up on this lifelong process of self-development, and know that because life can be unpredictable, it's impossible to call this process "complete" - and that's perfectly okay!
|Ashley Tilson is a Holistic Trauma Recovery Specialist that helps victims of childhood abuse who are struggling with triggers and the inability to feel safely free and happy in their adult lives by breaking free from the past and healing their childhood self so they can begin to live the life they think they can only dream about!|
Check out her website for more information.