EMPATH 101: The Guide to Becoming an Empowered Empath

Are you a highly sensitive person and Empath who's looking for a "guide to becoming an empowered Empath"?

Have you been left thinking that this sense is more of a curse because the world around you shrouds you with more pain and injustice than you know should be allowed?

If this is how you're feeling, then know you are not alone!

All too often, we were picked on as kids. We were told we were "special" and "different" but underlining and insinuating that were aren't right in the head. If our parents were less than understanding of our sensitive nature, they had rather harsh words and actions.. instead trying to teach us to "grow a backbone", learn to fight back, or worse.

But we'd rather help and create positive change than fight and argue our way through everything. That's not how people win each other over and see them as good people..

Life, and all the maturing that society forces us through, programs us to fit into the mould and learn to look at our surroundings through tinted glasses. But the problem is that these tinted glasses never look or feel right. It ends up being just a matter of time before the anger (which we don't want to feel) builds within and we angrily smash the glasses below our feet. 

And we begin to walk our own path...

But where do you go from here?

In this brief and renewed overview of various old EMPATH 101 articles I've posted, I want to not only update my opinions.. but also be a lot more forward about the truths I've come into. I was inspired to do this as one of many reflections I've had about my journey. 

After all I have gone through, I know that what I've shared just a couple of years ago is only a fragment of what there is to share!

In fact, I recently connected with an old friend that hadn't talked to me much since I first started down this road. She commented that - based on who I was years ago when we last talked - this pandemic must've been really emotional and depressing for me. That would've been true if it had happened years ago, when everything outside of myself dictated my emotions and energy... but that actually hasn't been the case. 

Of course, I still see, feel, and sympathize with all the pain and tragedy that's taken place. But instead of bringing it home, taking it on as my own responsibility, and sulking under the weight of it like I used to with everything... I don't. I shield myself, recognize and acknowledge everything happening outside of me, do what I can all while being fully focused on myself, and am calm and at peace knowing I've done all that I can do.

Wouldn't you like to be able to do this?

THIS is a goal you can achieve. This road to empowerment may be long, and it can get lonely at times, but it's a whole other life - because what you do is shed all that doesn't serve you and become your best self!

Here are the 2 major starting points (which go hand-in-hand with each other) that give you the foundation on your journey to becoming an Empowered Empath...

Rid Yourself of What Doesn't Serve You

Mentors and teachers alike cannot stress this enough; even though the truth is that we can only plant this seed of a thought and leave it up to you. Blockages are created by many things, and even though energy and trauma are more commonly understood as obvious blockages, it's not limited to that.

Actions [that aren't aligned with our highest good and potential] can block us.

People can block us. Yes, even if a relationship is seemingly calm and civil, any amount of emotional control or manipulation will create a blockage.

Karmic and ancestral issues that have been unaddressed can create blockages.

Last but not least, false beliefs and programming can cause major blockages!

I like to use this scenario example in my Trauma Healing teachings with anyone that needs help to see this more clearly:

Let's say you come from a family that has been stuck in the vicious cycle of abuse - where generation after generation accepted verbally, mentally, physically, and sexually hurting each other as being "normal". The grandchildren can't speak up without the entire family pointing their pitchforks at them, and unbeknownst to them, the behaviour dates back even further then the generations that are alive - which brings into question the very fabric of the family tree.

How many layers of blockages do you think need to be dealt with for these grandchildren?

On the one hand, their brain has been programmed to believe it's a crime to dare to question their family's behaviour. Once that layer has been dealt with, there are the layers of recognizing and addressing the reality of the wrongdoings they were victim to. Heal those few layers, and we finally get down to the actual false beliefs... because healing NEEDS to take place in order to accept reality and clearly recognize where all the negative thoughts came from.

I could go on and on.. but I'll give you a hint that circles back around: It's only after the above process that a person realizes they were never fully their true self. It had been blocked by ALL of these layers, and it's like being reborn and seeing for the first time.

And once that happens, a person is finally in a state to address ancestral issues, cut/cleanse cords connecting them to their family, and so on. Every single step and consideration = at least one blockage that has held them back.

Now I'm not saying this will be the exact process for you, but it goes to show how deep the rabbit hole can go... because I didn't even mention all the instances where peers, teachers, and employers caused experiences which damaged & warped the mind - which are additional layers. These are to be considered for those that don't at all resonate with the above scenario.

The above example is actually based on me, and I can tell you that it could take years - only because the more layers you remove, the more surprises come up. But the good news is that it's easier to deal with because each step is easy compared to what you previously went through!

Whether it was cutting people out of my life because I realized they were a negative and toxic influence on me... to deciding to throw out everything in my house that either had the ingredients of animals or were made by a company that tested on animals... to setting boundaries, getting comfortable sharing my opinion and stating my needs, and using my thoughts to change the dynamic of my closest relationships (including my marriage)... If I saw something I needed to do to alleviate pressure & influence I didn't need, I did it.

But it didn't exactly happen overnight either. I took one step at a time, to build the confidence that I could do it because I needed it for me, and by doing so, I stopped feeling guilty about it! 

With every change, I stopped feeling guilty for being in those situations in the first place. I stopped feeling guilty about making the changes. And I stopped feeling guilty for changing in the eyes of those who opposed it; because it wasn't all about me doing things for, or because of, them anymore... it was about me doing things for me.

So the question for you is: How many things in your life make you feel like you're not yourself? How many negative thoughts derail you and what are the memories tied to them (that caused them)? And how should you deal with them to remove these blockages?

This step is as much about building your foundation as it is about purging the old and unhelpful. You empower yourself a ton by embarking on this step alone. Seeing it as a simple reflection and life review can help to open your eyes, and will create your healing plan.

Enforce Boundaries & State your Needs

I can't even begin to describe how important this is, especially for sensitive beings. Those that don't know better think sensitive beings are ones that can be easily pushed around, and that we have an abundance of energy to take on and tackle everything that comes our way. But I can almost certainly guarantee you're here, at this moment, because you're sick and tired of always bending over backwards for everyone but yourself.

There's an awakening that occurs when we hit a point where we realize that we've lost ourselves trying to please everyone.. and sometimes, all because we've gone out of our way and stretch every ounce of our resources thin being the answer for someone that rarely ever returns an ounce of a favour. 

In fact - based on my own experience - we often discover we're totally and completely taken advantage of!

Get angry if you want to... because the unfortunate truth is that there are people among us who would continue to prey on this. I remember being on the receiving end of hurtful accusations, nasty & false rumours, and being labeled as the opposite of what I value and act upon all because I finally decided to act on this bit of arising anger and put my foot down.

This is when you find out who your true friends and family are!

My suggestion is to start simple: Pick the tasks that you constantly do for others that those people are more than able and capable of doing for themselves. Now, wait for the opportunities to refuse the next request you get for it. I suggest it this way because you want to be both reasonable and realistic about it... which will make it easier to discern the emotions and determine what direction the relationship will go in.

Even though it might be unsavoury and emotional to go through this, it is empowering on the other side.

Those that truly care for and cherish your every bit of effort will be completely understanding. There's also a good chance that they will crack open and change how they treat you (in a much more positive, appreciative way) if you explain why you're doing this.

Yet those that immediately get upset when you state "no, sorry, I can't do this for you because ..... [insert a valid reason like being too busy or not being able to afford it]" will show their true colours and open the door for you to walk the other way.

When the latter is the case, walk away! Why do you need that attitude in your life?!

If someone is willing to lash out at you for refusing to do one thing after you've done a million others for them, you are actually doing yourself a favour by parting ways. And if you're straight-forward and reasonable about it, as suggested, it would look like a ridiculous scenario to any outsider! Keep this in mind when you feel the pull on your heartstrings or find yourself worried about how that person now perceives you.

The sad reality is that for some of the people that are lashing out - they're actually unable to do these things for themselves because they've become so reliant on help. Their reaction is only a reflection of their upset over suddenly realizing they now have to be self-sufficient, so even though they may make it out to be a problem with YOU, it's not about you at all.

So this decision, in turn, gives them the opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson for themselves.

And, of course, the bottom line is by doing this, you create more space and effort to focus on yourself. YAY!

As you get more comfortable with that, and you start to feel the positive changes it brings to your life, you're ready to get more assertive about your needs. This is crucial because all that bending over backwards for years on end has meant you've neglected some of your own needs. 

More often than not, I find it's harder for people like us to state our needs because we've been rejected and overlooked. But you are important too, and now, it's time for you to get whatever help you need for a change!

For me, this started as vocalizing my opinion more. Long gone is the quiet loner that I was! But this isn't about preaching or telling people what they should do (even if you still continue to be sought after for those kinds of opinions) - it's about adding your two cents more often when socializing, or being someone that comes up with topics. Instead of being an "agreer" that had not much to say, I'd start directing conversations; and in turn, connecting with others on interests I didn't know we shared.

After this practice, I stopped holding back on stating my needs with others; especially when it came to my marriage. This alone blossomed relationships to points I didn't even expect to achieve! In some ways, it was like starting over and learning shocking secrets about people I had known for 10+ years... and this brings a whole new appreciation where it's needed. 

The building blocks will continue to stack themselves up at this point, and you won't need me to tell you how to navigate because you'll become so confident with yourself that you won't need direction. 

And still, the truth is that you might find yourself alone on your spiritual path, or feel lonely because a lot has been removed from your life, but you'll be at peace. If you're happier to rid yourself of everything that controlled your life and held you back, then I personally think there's no better way to live. There's nowhere to go but onward and upward, and by being true to your true self, you WILL end up encountering people that relieve those lonely feelings. Just start with this foundation, and you'll be ready to determine your next steps on your journey!

Ashley Tilson is a multi-modality intuitive healer and a Holistic Trauma Recovery Specialist offering online Healing, Reading, and Reiki appointments, as well we her signature Trauma Release & Recovery program - The Rise of the Phoenixes. Your can learn more about her business on her website.