Rescuing My Childhood Self

     Inner Child work is one of many healing practices I learned during my Priestess studies and it is one that I've taken a personal stake in practicing as I focus on trauma-based healing services. Soul (or Inner) Alchemy refers to practices in which you address internal issues at the spiritual level - these sessions involve being guided through meditation, and the process itself depends on what's being addressed/healed. When one practices Inner Child work, you're calling upon your child-self to reveal him/herself for connection and healing.

     As a survivor of childhood abuse that spent many years recovering and transforming, I came to terms with my past being what it is. I can't change it or hold regrets over any past decisions [for my own sake of inner peace], so I learned to let go of guilt surrounding enjoyment and I finally allowed myself to "go with the flow" and pursue my wants & needs. This was more than enough progress for me because I was unable to see or act on my own priorities due to my past trauma and unhealthy relationships that kept me tied to it. But little did I know how profoundly Inner Child work would help change my own connection to my trauma...

It turned out to be the last bit of inner work needed to see me emerge from my trauma!

     Going into my first session, I really didn't know what to expect. Usually this isn't a good place to start -- some people struggle with meditation because they go into it with a blockage (some expectation they have in mind). I thought it would be interesting to visit with my Inner Child but I honestly didn't even have the expectation that I could manifest her. It was no secret to me [at the time], that she was hurting and feeling neglected; and this was the basis in which I thought I couldn't get her to show.

And why would she show?

  She had suffered at the hands of those she trusted, and it caused her to not be willing to trust anyone...

How could she trust me when I was so helpless as a child?

That's when it hit me - I had it all wrong! This is exactly why she needs ME!

I need to be there for her, even if it's late... because no one else was.

     So I set myself up to attempt the meditation, but not to push it or be disappointed if nothing happened. As per my usual transition into healing sessions, I began with invocations and grounding work before proceeding.. so I asked for support to be connected and be able to fulfill her needs. As the Inner Child work began, my very soul cracked open (so to speak) as I proceeded with the most emotional healing session I've received to date.

     Much like other healing methods I now use, the initial session is usually a breakthrough session... subsequent sessions are needed to bring more light to issues and heal further. My first Inner Child session began as a way of "first contact". Because of my expectation, it took time and work to have her materialize in front of me.. but when I did see her, I fell apart. What I saw in front of me was not something I imagined or have ever envisioned in my own mind, yet I had absolutely no doubts about what I was seeing..

     A young version of myself was before me: I was about 5/6 years old and wearing a nightgown that I later recalled having in my early years. What was heartbreaking about her appearance was that she was curled up into herself in fetal position, laying on her side... not moving, not speaking, and seemingly stone-like. I started trying to talk; jumping straight into apologies and saying the things that I wished someone could've said to me during my childhood years, but that didn't change anything. It was as if she literally gave up (as I've felt I had to many times in my life), which cued the waterworks as I began to feel helpless once again..

     But there's something about patience and persistence (working together in healthy doses, of course) that allows any situation to develop. I instead shifted to begin making statements about how I have been gone for too long but I want to make it up to her, and how I am sorry that those things happened to her and I'm sorry I haven't shown sooner, but I wish to move forward by healing her. Believe it or not, making the heart-pouring of a speech that I did seemed to help - she was finally willing to move as I begged, one last time, to save her.

     In a scene that can only be described as magical, I reached into the vessel she contained herself in and pulled her out - her stone-like appearance turned out to be a stone shell that she had as protection, and she was stuck in this encasing. We hugged for a period that felt like forever, and we set off to begin a renewed relationship together...

     Inner Child work seeks to not only connect one with their Inner Child, but to have the opportunity to address any needs that one internally needs to fulfill - as dictated by the child. My Inner Child did not wish to speak at all during our first visit together, so we communicated telepathically with me looking for her reassuring nod upon starting each new suggestion. We broke a barrier in my sexual trauma as she allowed me to bathe her, and we slowly built up trust as we walked hand-in-hand to my Safe Haven. As time ran out, I made her a promise that secured our fate: You can safely stay here and I will return to visit you.

     For an initial session, this was profound work -- I successfully met my younger self, was able to interact with her, and returned feeling a little more peaceful. But it would take several sessions before we would do some groundbreaking healing work together.

     My second session allowed me to interact more, with me finally seeing my young self smile for the first time. This too ended up being more about having the time together to "get to know each other" ~ as we spent most of our time painting and running around in the gardens. My third session was the first time in which my Inner Child was ready and waiting to see me; she actually took me by the hand and led me to my healing area, urging that we begin this work together. I kept it simple this time by simply calling in healing spirits to accompany us for a time, and we wrapped up this session with a nature walk.

     On our fourth visit, she told me she was ready to face the past and begin leaving it behind. This was the point in which the life-transformation that happens "behind the scenes" began to occur. In this instance, we were more focused on certain physical/sexual actions that I endured that changed my life - needless to say, it's heavy content to consider in any shape or form. What we needed to do involved us using a trail in the forest behind the gardens to visit each traumatic situation and face it.. At certain "scenic spots" there would be an area that mirrored these scenarios, and we watched each one together while saying and doing what we wanted in reaction. It worked as we walked away from each spot feeling like we've done all we could, which was a powerful fact to accept.

     Every session brought forth surprises and transformation that I had no idea was possible! I've watched my Inner Child get older and become more happy & confident as we progressed with our sessions - these effects bled over into my life, regardless of the fact that these results weren't my immediate intention. Even if there's no trauma to heal, Inner Child work can help one to tap into their creativity, (re)discover their passions, and take a lesson in learning to live "wild and free"! As my Inner Child urged me to paint and take part in nature activities, I found myself more drawn to doing the same activities in my free time. The truth is that these activities were hobbies and passions of mine that were put aside as a result of my trauma and consequent mental illness - but she has reminded me that I can still do these activities today!

     In retrospect: When I first met my Inner Child, she was the neglected child I felt I was deep inside. Upon further reflection, I realized that her initial appearance/age actually aligns with my first traumatic memory - the moment I lost my innocence - and as we continued sessions, her age naturally progressed to coincide with the issues that I needed to heal. With this being said, the Inner Child never truly got older... Once aligned and healed with her, her appearance stayed as the healthy, happy & confident kid I've come to know her as. These sessions were profound because I never had the opportunity to truly react to what happened to me - visiting these truths with my Inner Child gave that opportunity, which led me to more inner peace and self-forgiveness.

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     Above is just an example of how one can progress using this type of healing. Not everyone has the exact same experiences but nonetheless, everyone has some kind of experience and it's rarely uneventful. As an Intuitive Healer, I guide others through this type of session and am able to provide clarity, support and additional healing power by connecting to you to experience it with you. If you're interested, I welcome you to check out my website as I offer my sessions online. If you're enjoying reading about my healing methods, stay tuned to learn more!

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