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There was one distinct day where I remember my life started to change. It was as if I woke up one morning and literally thought: “That’s it, I can't do this anymore”. What saddened me though was that I was 27 years old, and started to feel like I had already wasted too much time on the wrong things. I simply wasn’t happy (feeling like a robot going through the daily motions), and I knew life could be better, somehow. Whether it was working jobs I felt undervalued in, or keeping to people that took advantage of my kindness, I was ready to put an end to that me. Despite recognizing there’s always still time to put oneself on a different path, I felt like kicking myself for taking so long to open my eyes.
I’ve always known I was a sensitive person, but it had always been attributed to suffering from depression and anxiety. Having experienced a lot of trauma & stress before I became an adult, I always assumed this was just my luck of the draw that is life. When I realized I wanted the change, I sought out counselling; I got the clarity and validation I needed on my newfound revelations. It was only now that I started to see things for what they were, and I started to deal with people by being honest, putting myself first, and letting go where appropriate. I won’t lie about it: a lot of people found their way out of my life since my transformation began, due to these motions. And I’m sure that anyone that’s experienced will agree: you sometimes have to get rid of the energies that don’t serve you any good.
It wasn’t much at first, but it was simply a lifestyle change in that regard: getting rid of things that don’t bring me happiness. I had time off from quitting my job and used it to focus on myself – simply taking care of myself, self-help reading, spending time on art, and one big goal that I’d struggled to achieve: lose weight. Dealing with depression/anxiety did cause a bad habit of stress eating for me. I wasn’t huge, but I definitely did not care what I ate and how much I ate. When I got married, I shed my goal weight of 10 lbs. for the dress – but that still put me on the scale for close to 170 lbs.. I had never been able to diet and exercise myself under 150 lbs. (my plateau), so I had always given up. But this time I was determined to persevere and over the course of a year, got myself down to 120 lbs.!
This was a feat for me. Not only did I do what I thought I couldn’t, it made me feel amazing in so many ways. I think overcoming this obstacle following my “change of heart” gave me the confidence needed to discover my true self. When I was about to turn 30, I looked up and met with an Intuitive Life Coach. Her experience with Angel Readings and Akashic Records piqued an interest in me. Of all things to bring as a question, I (even as a skeptic) wanted to know what I was meant to do with my life. I had recently met with Career Counsellors and taken endless profiling quizzes, but it always pointed me towards the same work I had already done or titles of little interest. I, somewhere deep inside, just knew I was meant to do something specific – what I felt was “my life’s purpose”.
At first, I went about the appointment like my usual counselling sessions... but then I started getting some messages that brought more questions: I am a really old soul, I am an empath/clairsentient and claircognizant, and I am meant to help people. At this point in my life, helping people has always been a natural impulse to me, sadly taking over even when I don’t want to. This has been a double-edged sword up until this point as I realized I had already sacrificed a lot for people that I shouldn’t have. Truth is, I want to help, but only those that want to be helped.
This was the only thing that rang true in the moment. The rest, although eerily comforting to hear, was some spiritual talk that I didn’t know if I believed. I sat on it, and even consulted another psychic – only to receive the same messages. I started doing research on everything mentioned to me in my consultations. Before long, I realized it explained a lot of things I’ve experienced throughout my life. All my years of depression and anxiety (in some part anyways) was suddenly explained by my ability to pick up others’ thoughts & emotions. Sometimes I never knew why I felt so sick to my stomach so often, and now see it happens when exposed to a stressful situation/person. My ability to predict outcomes and behaviours was also explained; sadly, as much as this has helped my managerial skills, it also serves as a shadow in certain situations. Things ever so slowly made sense after this point, and a couple months later I had my first experience with meditation.
My first real try at meditating was attending a guided group meditation led by the same Intuitive Life Coach. I honestly did not know what to expect, but went in with an open mind. My experience ended up being nothing short of indescribable! Not only did I encounter a animal that has since shown up in my dreams and frequently in my backyard, but I also experienced myself in a setting from another perspective. My palms and my third eye felt on fire and sweated throughout the hour, and I was emotionally stirred at the end. If anything will turn me into a believer, this would be the catalyst. If you relate to awakening and have not tried meditation yet, then I (more than!) highly recommend it.
It wasn’t until a few months later (in 2017) when I seriously tapped into awakening – the burning urge inside me ate at me once again, and I started to slowly develop as I was now paying attention. This was when I truly realized that I could pick up on the thoughts and feelings of people upon entering the room. I hooked up for sessions with the Intuitive Life Coach, and after needing to quit the job I had, buckled down on studying and development.
A few different books on chakras, spirituality, self-care, reiki and crystals were the vast line of knowledge I took in, and continuously study. Discovering I am an INFJ (MBTI Personality Type) and reading about others online was reassuring on the eternal struggle on the inside of being that person (I theorize that the type isn’t a big coincidence). I can assure anyone that can relate, or is experiencing a spiritual awakening, that sometimes research can help to open that door. I found that alongside this “study period” I had an urge to clean up my life – change to a cleaner lifestyle, journal my last thoughts to my past & “demons”, and reinvent the relationships that were the most important to me.
If there’s any point I’m trying to make about my experience so far is that I’ve come to realize there’s no “reason” why I came to do all these things. It truly was this ache inside that started & kept knocking; and I know it won’t silence until I’m doing what I should be doing. As I’ve strived for a need to be happier with my life, I decided to only take on what I’m willing to do, and am working towards starting a business using this gift. Once I started working and focusing on myself, the pieces all just started to fall into place over time.
This is still a process though. As of the end of 2017: I just pay attention, I cut to the point but also make my decisions wisely, I speak the truth (no matter how blunt, sometimes), and more importantly – I trust my feelings/intuition. After re-evaluating my past, I saw where I had conflicted thoughts or alarm bells going off in my head but instead trusted the words that were being spoken; I swore to myself that I wouldn’t take on these burdens anymore. Even with my experience and attained knowledge that I want to pass on, I know that this is still a journey and that more can also be possible.
After months of archived thoughts and article ideas (with an urge to write!), I’m finally ready to share them with the world. One of the struggles I had was how lonely this discovery & it’s process made me feel, and I wished there was a resource or network to turn to. I’m starting a blog with the hope that it will be meaningful to someone out there, and hope to connect with others in some way. Not all experiences are the same, but you may have found some way to relate; if you do, know that you are not alone!
#spiritualawakening #empath #intuitiveempath #lifetransformation #weightloss #overcomingobstacles #empathconfessions