I'm not going to lie - Teddy's death hit me really hard.... So hard that I put my business relaunch plans on hold while I took extra time to simply be and allow all the emotions to flow. I also have to admit that this marked the first time that the pandemic situation got to me -- my schedule had since been kept full with Teddy's medication schedule, of which I planned my own work schedule around. And let's face it: when you don't have something to hold yourself accountable to, and something that keeps you busy everyday, things slowly start to unravel...
I had spent the previous 18 months waking up at 7:30 am everyday just for Teddy... and now that I didn't need to anymore, I didn't know what to do with myself. At first, I tried to spin it in a positive way and gave myself permission to finally catch up on sleep (he had also required medication at midnight so I was always running short on sleep). That worked, but once my mind had time to wander, I almost felt guilty for being in this position. My grieving aside, it wasn't long before I had to switch gears to figure out how I was going to help myself move forward.
Much like I've said before: Grieving takes time! Even though I now consider myself over the grieving process, it does not mean that I don't have moments where I miss him and feel sad. Anytime I caught myself beginning to wonder what I could've done differently, etc., I instantly shut it down - this is the self-talk that keeps one stuck in Anger and doesn't allow you to move forward with your life. It's because of that habit that I quickly took to visiting and speaking with Teddy on the other side, but I know not everyone is ready and able to do such a thing... So here's a breakdown of how I pushed myself forward [when I felt ready].
During the Grieving process, much of what is felt tends to be negative. Whether it was everything leading up to / surrounding death, the negative self-talk that accompanies it, and whatever else weaves it's way into our thoughts... there's a lot to go around. Personally, I pulled at straws trying to find a way to place blame and it wasn't until I spoke to Teddy, found out it was his time and I did all that I could do, that I finally began to peel myself away from those thoughts. But let's face it, the mind runs to it's own places when we don't enforce positive self-talk or an outlook we wish to hold.. so there were other ways that I combated this.
After spending time focused on the death itself, I scheduled time to reflect on all the memories and the love we shared. Naturally, this was the only way to help my husband since he does not have any spiritual practices (although he finds relief getting messages through me).. but it nevertheless helped us both. We spent hours collecting photos and videos off our various devices and putting it all into a shared folder online. Just looking at the countless photos and watching the videos was very therapeutic in it's own way - it showed, and thus reinforced, all the good there was even at a time where all we could feel was pain. This was a solid first step in helping us along the grieving process...
After a couple of weeks, when I was really beginning to feel lost and needed to push myself along, I came up with a new project of sorts. Since I'm the type of person who now has Teddy's ashes on the mantel above my fireplace, arranged with his favourite blanket and toy, I also sought to "bring him to life" in my home. While I recognize it may not work for everybody, it's something I wholeheartedly welcomed -- which was to have pictures printed on photos and canvas (so his presence would be in every room of the house), and created a photobook of his life. Now, we don't have to look far to find an image that puts a smile on our face, and it makes us feel blessed instead of hurt for having him in our lives.
Surround yourself in the love that was there and hold onto it!
There's no doubt that whomever has passed continues to look over you!
I will start by saying this is the hardest part to deal with, but I'm going to share how I tackled this so you can decide how you feel about it yourself. Because I fell into a more "caretaker" role during the last 18 months of Teddy's life, it was a huge upheaval when he passed. Long gone was the purpose I created for myself as Teddy's caretaker and healer, which is something I happily did regardless of anything else. His continued love for life always assured me I was doing the right thing, so once that was gone, I lost a piece of myself that I didn't know how to get back.
There comes a time when you feel ready to accept that you can never replace what you had, and there's no use in even trying because it's not realistic (nor does it respect the other soul by trying to replace them). But where that leaves you is trying to step forward with your life because let's face it: you're still alive! My wake up call came when I spoke to Teddy afterward and he expressed his sadness over seeing me so upset and crying.. and as he's wagging his tail saying "Look, Mom, I'm fine and pain-free now!". As assuring as that was, I also knew I needed to figure out how to redirect the energy I kept for him to something that would see me forward in my own life.
This can look however you want it to look - and it doesn't just have to be your career, home, relationships, you-name-it. This is more about finding a cause for yourself to focus on, redirect your energy to, and spend your free time on to give you a new outlet and path. Find inspiration to start a new chapter, and perhaps even walk a path you never had the opportunity to walk before, and fuel the spark within you that says "YES! I love what I'm doing!". For me, this turned into pouring my energy back into the relaunch of my business upon realizing I could take my learning experiences (healing Teddy and helping him ascend) and help other people in similar ways.
Don't seek to fill the hole created...
Instead, focus on something new that can help you begin a new chapter!
If you lost a spouse or someone very close to you - wherein it changes your everyday - then you may want to start by first finding the love, if you feel the need. Talk to your friends, neighbours, and anyone that knew you well enough to be any form of support. I found myself laughing through tears when I broke the sad news to friends & family and in turn heard about how amazing of a life we gave him, along with the many personality quirks of his they'll miss. It's good to allow yourself to be showered with this because you need it for many reasons; 1) the reminder of the good, especially so soon after, and 2) to receive the love and support from others to keep yourself grounded.
First and foremost though, you need to know that the love you should feel is that for YOURSELF. At such a time, you're the one in need and you should receive this in any forms that work for you (self-care, a hobby). Refrain from looking outside for a new love (spouse) because even as good as it may feel, you're too vulnerable to let someone new in just yet. You'll know when you're ready and you may be strong enough to seek something casual for now, but do allow yourself plenty of time to make sure that YOU will be your first priority. Remember that we cannot freely share love and expect a healthy relationship when we don't feel it for ourselves, and that work has to come from within.
But when you're ready... you will want to find a new avenue to express love in such a way that it causes you to dwell less. I knew when it got to the point where I just had too much time to think (and too much silence in the house all day), and I needed to consider what I wanted next. There was no question in my mind that I would adopt another dog, but I needed the time to sit on it and be sure that I would do so to open my home to someone in need because I have love to share and not as an attempt to replace what I had lost. Just as I felt enough peace to move forward, realizing Teddy would forever live through me by being a part of me, then I decided that I could love again (so to speak) and I adopted another dog. Sometimes it's easier to just wait and see what doors open for you, but depending on your mentality and drive, you can decide to take the next step forward.
Do move forward with LOVE in ways that work best for you.
Just remember to honour the passed soul, seek further purpose through your experiences together, and bring that forward with what you decide to do!
|Welcoming the newest member of my clan - Gracie!|
#empath #intuitiveempath #intuitivehealer #reiki #lifelessons #empathconfessions