Moving On (After Loss)
I had spent the previous 18 months waking up at 7:30 am everyday just for Teddy... and now that I didn't need to anymore, I didn't know what to do with myself. At first, I tried to spin it in a positive way and gave myself permission to finally catch up on sleep (he had also required medication at midnight so I was always running short on sleep). That worked, but once my mind had time to wander, I almost felt guilty for being in this position. My grieving aside, it wasn't long before I had to switch gears to figure out how I was going to help myself move forward.
I will start by saying this is the hardest part to deal with, but I'm going to share how I tackled this so you can decide how you feel about it yourself. Because I fell into a more "caretaker" role during the last 18 months of Teddy's life, it was a huge upheaval when he passed. Long gone was the purpose I created for myself as Teddy's caretaker and healer, which is something I happily did regardless of anything else. His continued love for life always assured me I was doing the right thing, so once that was gone, I lost a piece of myself that I didn't know how to get back.