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As far as I've come, I know there's only more ahead of me. That's a realization that rings true time and time again as I progress further on my spiritual journey. Every training I put myself through opened me up to more but proved that it was just another stepping stone.. sending me off to the next course/certification I felt I needed. One of the factors I struggled with when I first became a Healer was that of feeling inadequate. I was already working as an Energy Healer & Tarot Reader while training to become a Priestess of Light when this feeling came on strong -- as I found success (as in: much to heal) while working on myself, I began to question whether or not I was ready to heal others.
During my healing journey, I've had to do a lot of digging up the past. Whether it be to come to terms with past trauma, recover repressed memories, or simply re-examining my life [as I knew it] for signs and situations that were purely possible as a result of my spiritual gifts (and no longer the weird, unexplainable coincidences that I concluded them to be). Considering how dark and haunted my [inner] world was as a child, it's only been the last few years that I've realized that some of these experiences occurred because I was a young, vulnerable, sensitive soul -- a clear gateway for welcoming the unimaginable.
Growing up, I easily understood and believed in ghosts and aliens even though the topics actually scared me (for reasons unknown to me then; but I was still curious enough to watch documentaries). I never knew why it would literally give me physical chills when watching such content... and I summed it up to be that it's just a scary & threatening possibility. But it wasn't until much later, upon the resurfacing of memories I repressed as a child/teenager, that I slowly began to understand why I (1) had an unquestionable belief, and (2) reacted the way I did. Like most psychics, there's usually some interactions and indications in our childhood of our psychic ability - more often than not, we were visited. How can we not be inclined to believe when we have had these experiences, and - likely - were scolded and called crazy because there's no evidence or explanation?
I personally cannot recall the age in which I first met a Shadow Man, but I can tell you that one visited me on many occasions for years when I was young. This spirit is one that I have not spoken of as I tried to piece it all together... but now that I feel I'm finally strong enough to face him, I'm ready to talk about it. It's one of those experiences that engraves itself in your brain, and it was the reason I couldn't sleep without a light. The first time I saw him was like most times that I saw him - he'd simply be standing in the corner of my room, opposite my bed, watching me. At first, I had hoped my mind was playing tricks and I dove under the covers and didn't emerge until the morning. No matter what I saw, one thing is for sure: the feeling of being watched never went away.
It wasn't until his movement changed one night that I got a clearer view of him -- very tall and a complete shadow... except for the startling details; which are his cloaked figure and his brimmed hat. My biggest scare came one night while I was struggling to sleep (likely as a result of his presence), and upon flipping onto my right side and looking up, I see him knelt forward in front of me [above my stomach]... just watching me. That instance sent me under the covers [once again] and after that night, I had no doubt there was something in my room. After this point, I was always finding an excuse to keep a source of light on in my bedroom at night.
And it is because of my history with this spirit that I always felt threatened in the presence of a ghost. If you've read my Halloween Confession post from 2018, you know I've had a few freaky encounters in my own home(s) over the years. In every situation, I cannot deny that I felt like I needed to be alarmed and that the energy came off as negative.. but I also wasn't empowered enough to either handle it or know any better. Now that I've come to this point and taken on the practices that I have (namely channeling with proper protection and learning how to remove attachments), these feelings seemed to have changed. As if fate brought me to this new house to see me start off on a new path, I've begun to wonder where that's actually going to lead me...
It all seemed too good to be true. My husband and I scoured countless options across many regions and decided to come look this way on a whim. I had a good feeling.. and let's face it: the MLS listing for this specific house had me curious. We went to several viewings and sat on everything, but kept getting drawn back to this house. I, for one, just couldn't seem to let this place go for some reason...
Now, I'm beginning to theorize as to why that is! At every turn where we thought we'd get some news to make us need or want to back out, but we didn't find one. It seemed like fate, so I figured I would take this opportunity to reimagine the direction of my work.. Until fate proved it has it's own plans for me... I quickly found out I moved in with a ghost!
But for the first time in my life, I'm actually comfortable around this spirit.
The first time I became aware of his presence, I was at the house prepping it before our big move. I was standing in one of the upstairs bedrooms, facing & looking out the window, when suddenly I felt a hand plant itself on my right butt cheek. There is no debating it -- despite knowing I was completely alone, my body's reaction to it had me spinning around to see who/what it was. Almost instantly, and intuitively, I turned to the empty space in front of me and spoke a mixture of words: "I'm not your wife" mixed with "go do that to your wife". Upon saying so, I was hit with an overwhelming wave of embarrassment. Without being able to see him; I knew it was a male that once lived in the house and did not realize his family is no longer there.
And thus began yet another chapter as I did not intend to banish him, and I did not outright ask that he leave or move on. At this point, I feel guilty about possibly doing so and would rather his presence linger in hopes of speaking to him. About 4 weeks later, after we finally moved into the house, he did let us know he was still around -- during the night of the Full Moon in June, he dispensed ice cubes from the fridge (sending them onto the kitchen floor while we were eating in the dining room) and tested our carbon monoxide alarm at 5:14am (which undoubtedly woke me up, initially in a panic). Yet despite this, he hasn't tried any further physical contact... instead, I have this understanding that he comes with the territory and is perhaps waiting for me to reach out to him.
And so now, I know the new direction in which I need to go with my spiritual work - and it has much to do with speaking to those who are no longer physically with us. Stay tuned to hear about my future encounters and work!