A Confession: Regret
As I've fallen off this wagon, I find myself filled with regret. I haven't felt comfortable writing about it, but there have been many thoughts on my mind lately that I've needed to vocalize. It's not so much for my own sake, but after realizing I was feeling everything for a reason; others have been, or are, there too. Whether the situation itself is familiar or not, I would imagine one can find relatable scenarios. Another emotion I struggle with is regret, and mostly because it's reach can come from many sources. One thing I've found important to recognize is that most times (or perhaps almost all times!) you have absolutely no reason to feel this way.
While I want to do an Empath 101 article on regret, I find it difficult to present a clear consolation on it. Despite currently struggling with it, I have overcome my past regrets by realizing the "filter" in which it came from. For me personally, I had a lot of experience growing up with being guilt-tripped into doing things for others. This caused me to have a very conditioned outlook on not only people, but expectations from people and relationships. Diving deeper into this could be a book of it's own, but I mention this as I now realize it added a lot to my life experience and shaping as an empath. And sadly, it hurts to even admit that after all the years of therapy needed for it - there's a small proof that it possibly happened for a reason. Regardless, this evaluation and healing made me realize that my thinking is to blame for my regret.
Stripping away the regrets that lingered from my past and from having that conditioned thinking left me with realizing I can choose not to have that emotion. Surely there are small regrets that will happen throughout life either way, but I'm referring to the one's that haunt us and regurgitate from time to time. These need not happen unless we truly are not at peace with ourselves; and this applies to everyone. Whether it's releasing a regret tied to guilt by focusing on the good that came afterwards, and/or making amends on the real regrets, the work can be done to wipe the slate clean. From there, following one's own path while remaining open-minded and honest has proven that it can be easy to live without regret. And if I'm ever having trouble with this thinking, I look at the situation and remember that everything happens for a reason - most times, I end up seeing the truth that makes me laugh and feel much better!
I have had a few situations in life where I felt true regret for something I said or did. This didn't happen often because I HATE to be in any wrong, and am always trying to help the next guy even while it's hurting me... yet I've had a handful of events. When I took the time to look back on life, I realized what happened had transpired due to my kindness having been used until I had no other choice but to explode, and harshness (be it words and/or actions) was the result. Obviously guilt was then induced due to the "odd" behaviour and regret was born, however I realize I have to question why I'm regretting it. Do I regret that I realized I needed to make a decision or statement that someone else didn't like, because it was something I needed to do for me? Never again! In fact, I now realize that some of my "outbursts" were the only way I was able to see, process and react to the truths I was picking up on.
As being able to tap into other people can sometimes provide a cloud of depression accompanied by sad and/or dark (and sometimes insulting) thoughts, it's hard to ignore everything. Add in the distraction that is the rainbow of other people and it's hard to stay unfazed by the emotions, especially when staying in their company. It's sometimes all one can do to stay focused on what they need to depending on the situation they're surrounded by. I have personally found this to be my daily scenario once again as I recently accepted a permanent full-time job. While I'm finding things are going well in that I haven't had any issues or negative feedback, I'm really overwhelmed -- by taking on the stress and responsibility, facing the "emotional" days, and the regret from my downtime. While I have no regrets with how I have spent my time, I admit I've come to question myself (once again) as I struggle to find time to properly focus on this work.
I find that while I can ignore what I pick up on, the energy attached to it and any emotions I may have processed need to be dealt with at the end of each day. While this isn't something new, I've begun to question why I place myself in such situations... leaving me with little time to be authentic and free. This has contributed a lot to my lack of updates on here, as I am not as clear-minded as I used to be when I started writing. Realizing that "pushing out" posts is not how I want to be doing this, in addition to being short on time, has stirred a lot of questions in me; causing some regret. It's not so much regret for what's here as plans are still on schedule, but more-so for feeling as if I lost myself just as I was healing and getting familiar with real me.
On a more positive note - there's nowhere to go but forward unless you give up, which is not what I intend to do in this case. My way of coping with this regret is considering the possibility that (maybe!) this hiccup was meant to teach a lesson, and realizing that there's still plenty of time to get back to where I want to be. Whatever the regret, I know that there's always a way to deal with it that depends on what it is you want from it. Whether it's doing something or going somewhere specific, making it right by someone you care about, setting and working towards an abandoned goal, or simply coming to terms and feeling ready to move on for your own good - there's always a positive side to be found if you look for it. If there's any message I hope to pass on from this, it's knowing to look within and seeing regret as a lesson (decision) in which to push yourself forward.
#empath #intuitiveempath #lifelessons #empath101 #empathconfessions