My Vaccine Conundrum

  It's an iffy subject, and that's the reason why I've never touched on the subject until now... Being someone that has a general respect and understanding for science as well as spirituality, I've been open to every point of view on it while also refraining from looking up information online. I've never considered myself an anti-vaxxer because I can see the logic in immunizing against polio and other life-threatening diseases... but I had my own medical reasons to be cautious about getting any of the COVID vaccines. I'm not going to tell you I'm completely against it, but I'm going to share the ups and downs I went through that had absolutely nothing to do with conspiracy theories and fake facts.

   I've spent this entire pandemic at home, literally only leaving the house to get essentials, and being super careful about the small family gatherings I did go to for the few holiday celebrations that we could arrange. Since hubby and I work from home and haven't had the chance to make any local friends, our risk and exposure chances have remained low. Even though that was the case, whenever my husband and/or I had so much as a cold, we went and got ourselves tested for COVID - all to isolate and wait to see our results always come back "negative". We believe it exists, but we also decided to be smart about how we treated the whole situation and opted to only get vaccinated when/if we felt comfortable. 

   Then came the time where governments started blaming the unvaccinated for the spread of the third wave - even though we weren't even allowed in theatres, bars, restaurants, etc. - and the reality settled in that we were now being forced to do it. It sucks.. but possibly not as much as the actual reason why I was reluctant to do it. I am one of those people that not only blows up with a hive, but gets really sick whenever I get the flu shot.. so yes, it's been years since I've gone through that! I was always a sick child, and one that went for yearly allergy tests (which they no longer do) that ended up proving that I was allergic to 20+ different things... and alongside this, I had all of my childhood vaccines done in a doctors office to monitor the inevitably reaction I had to them. Since then, my family doctor told me not to get any of the new vaccines that have come out. Knowing all this was the reason I wasn't eager to get the COVID vaccine; and since we couldn't get a family doctor in this new area that we had moved to in 2020, I had no one to consult on the issue. 

It was a frustrating situation because I had grounds to wonder if it was going to be a problem...
But because I had no doctor to consult on my long-winded medical history of illnesses and allergies,
and those that didn't know me jumped to conclusions about me creating excuses out of thin air,
I found that very few people were actually taking me seriously.

   But then I found myself revisiting this decision. I found an opening at our local hospital for a Peer Support Worker position, specifically working with victims of sexual abuse, and the position sought someone that had lived experience and other skills that are a complete match for me. It was as if it were written in the stars for me to be in that job - and with it being part-time, it totally and completely aligned with my business. But I also knew that hospital's were now requiring all staff to be fully vaccinated, so I had to make an ultimate decision. For the sake of being able to dine in restaurants and eventually travel with my husband, and for the sake of landing this job once I ended up getting the call for an interview, I decided it was time to get the vaccine. I had already started talking to and working with clients that were seeking DNA Healing following their own vaccines, so when it came to that worry, I was prepared. Now, it was about making sure I could get vaccinated without issue, and that became a new problem...

   I'm not going to sugar coat it because the truth was that even though I was suddenly eager to just get it done, it didn't go that smoothly. But I'll also openly state that as someone who's repeatedly proven to be a "rare" case in many regards, I don't wish for these facts to cover the general population. I was directed to have a consult call with the VaxFacts clinic - who pushed me to get it regardless and just wait an extra 30 minutes for monitoring.. so I decided to follow that direction. It was bad enough showing up and enduring the shock of "this is your first?!" when everyone else there was getting their third doses. I just wanted to get it done and over with. The pain in my arm (at the jab sight) was immediate, and after waiting for 45 minutes for monitoring and not having an anaphylactic reaction, I went home believing I escaped the worst case scenarios. But then when I got home, unexpected things began -- for starters, I noticed that I had suddenly started an unexpected period, which quickly became a super heavy bleeder.

I went from being completely weary about getting the vaccine,
to wanting to just get it done and hoping for the best.
I honestly didn't expect the results that I ended up getting...

   I disregarded that, thinking it was nothing more than a freaky coincidence, and went on with my day. Over the next couple of hours, as I was sitting at my computer working away, new symptoms started to develop. The muscle aches were in every part of my body, my arm felt 10 times worse, and mixed with the pounding headache I was developing - my neck and jaw became locked from the tension and my ears plugged up. I had to call my day early upon realizing that my vision was starting to get blurry, but I remained optimistic.. assuming it all to be from the mixture of side effects that, so far, seemed normal. Not even 5 hours after the jab, I was eating dinner and taking ibuprofen, all to crash on the couch in what felt like a zombie-like state. I was starting to get lightheaded - but again - I summed it up to the crappy state I felt I was in. But then something else happened that made me start to wonder...

   As my snuggle-bug of a dog was laying next to me on the couch with her head on my lap, I leaned my head down to kiss her on the head - all to be overcome with a wave of nausea & dizziness. It was disorienting to say the least, and while momentary, it was enough to keep me still and upright for the rest of the evening. This became the icing on the cake as every shift from up to down (and vice versa) caused this. With the ibuprofen not helping at all, I prayed that I could sleep it all off.. but every time I flipped sides during the night (cause I'm a side sleeper), I was awoken by this same vertigo spell. The room would spin, I would feel the complete loss of balance (even though I was laying down) and the nauseous feeling that accompanies it. It all didn't dawn on me until I awoke in the morning; to the immediate sensation of the throbbing headache, dizziness, and lightheadedness, that I finally started to get concerned. My husband never experienced anything like this when he got his first dose months earlier, and I don't recall these symptoms ever being mentioned, so why was this happening?!

To top it all off, the waves of symptoms I experienced just in the first 24 hours alone
had me forgetting to recall and mention some of the symptoms that I actually did experience.
Regardless, only a few of what I experienced were actually on the list of "expected symptoms"
and that's not my fault! How can I not be frustrated and concerned?!

   Getting out of a bed was enough of a challenge that immediately convinced me I had to take the day off. I couldn't even focus/concentrate let alone think about how to operate, so it took me the better part of an hour to send out the couple of 2-liner emails to cancel the clients I was supposed to be serving that day. By this point, I became concerned about my state so I looked up the "post-jab" information sheet that was emailed to me following my appointment - the one that states the side effects to expect, and of which directs a person to call one of the health unit's nurse practitioners for symptoms not listed. Since my most concerning symptoms weren't even listed, I did what it said and I called. Not even an hour later, I'm retelling this whole story to a health unit nurse practitioner who ended up stating she was making the report for an adverse reaction, and that I needed to go to the closest ER to be assessed.

   I was honestly hoping to be told that I have some rare side effects that weren't listed because they were rare, but I was flat out told that I was experiencing an adverse reaction. GREAT! So after arranging for a ride, I go to the ER, where I end up forgetting details while trying to run through the history for a second time, all while trying to remain calm through the full-body discomfort I was now feeling. As I was sitting in the waiting room chairs, my back and leg muscles started to cramp up, I had waves of numbness and tingling all over, and the exhaustion of it all had me spacing out and feeling faint. I was starting to get agitated because I wanted nothing more than to lay down, but I stayed because.. well, I was there because that's what I was told to do! Longer story short though: the staff ended up treating me like a hypochondriac (sigh). They didn't seem to care that I was only there because I was told to be further assessed, and it wasn't long before I had a med student examining me and trying to tell me the symptoms were normal. Whereas the H.U. nurse stated that I should be getting blood tests to investigate, and medication to treat these symptoms, they did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! For the hour or so that I spent in the ER, they only asked me questions, listened to my lungs, then a doctor finally came in and told me what I already knew -- I was having an adverse reaction to Moderna.

I was so agitated, exhausted, and in pain by the time the doctor did finally come and speak to me that I honestly just didn't even care what he had to say, and I was equally unsurprised by him rushing through it and brushing me off.
I wanted nothing more than to question why it wouldn't be investigated further..
but by that point, I desperately wanted to go home and be in bed.

   What ticked me off more than that though was the lack of care involved. The Doctor (who spent less than a minute face-to-face with me) quickly stated that the Moderna vaccine has two chemicals in it that the others don't. Buuuut.. why tell me that, and basically insinuate that I may be reacting to one of those chemicals, and completely avoid investigating the "what" and "why"?? I just wanted to know what was happening to me and if there would be any concerns that I need to watch out for, but I could tell they just wanted me out of there. Upon saying "go home, rest, and don't get Moderna for your next shot", he and the med student coldly turned and left the room without another word. I left with the exact same answer that I had going into the ER.. and it hurt to realize that, once again during this pandemic, we're all completely on our own when it comes to healthcare. Our universal healthcare can be a coin toss in good times, but now that I'm on year 3 of paying taxes for healthcare while sitting on a waiting list for a family doctor, and now getting pushed out the door when I need help most, it's seriously starting to piss me off!

   Such as it is - I'm trying to overlook the grim possibilities and this is the treatment I'm receiving which is not at all helping, and frankly, makes me not want to get any further doses. I had to book an online appointment with a virtual clinic to have my symptoms addressed properly and be referred to the specialist I need, which will take months. Even with the expected side effects subsiding 24-36 hours after the jab, I'm waking up every morning - hoping to feel better - but immediately find I still have a headache, and I'm CONSTANTLY dizzy and lightheaded; which gets worse every time I move my head to look around, or change positions. It's a big doozy because I can't drive or work in this state.. making it a seriously negative impact on my life, but no one will verify this or provide the supports I need. While I started constructing this post following my trip to the ER, it's taken me 4 days to wrap it up - all with several re-reads since I've apparently made some major typos that took multiple reads to notice (for reference: most of my articles take me less than 2 hours to produce from start to finish). Where I go from here, I honestly don't know... but I'm going to do my best to move forward while continuing to press for answers.

Ashley Tilson is an Intuitive Healer specializing in trauma, abuse, and addictions recovery, and welcoming all beginners with spiritual curiosities! She offers private sessions and programs delivered entirely online using Zoom. Check out her website for more information.

** All photographs used were taken prior to the events in this article **

UPDATE: More than 20 days post vaccine - Following several virtual doctors appointments, a 2nd trip to the ER when I was experiencing high blood pressure along with severe chest pains, and a laundry list of daily symptoms (some of which are not mentioned here) - I still don't have answers! Since the known worst-case scenarios were ruled out, my case was considered closed. The doctor who was overseeing my case seriously suspects I now have an inner ear condition, and verbally admitted to me that since so little is still known about the vaccines, he thinks it's entirely possible the shot instigated it. I will be waiting months to see a specialist for a proper diagnosis of what looks to be either BPPV or Meniere's Disease, and am STILL having to approach every day slow & easy, and self-manage my symptoms while trying every possible diet/lifestyle change and treatment that I've researched online. My life still has to go on when it comes to my business, but I'm sure you can imagine that it's frustrating & annoying being in this situation.

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